A Day In Rhonda's Life

After a little reflection...

2011-08-23T18:37:00.006-06:00

I realized how lucky I am.

Coworkers are expecting babies in the next few months. This is, of course, a new and exciting time for them - one is even expecting TWINS! They have much joy, and much fatigue, in their futures. They have the excitement of all the firsts - steps, smiles, teeth, words. Oh, I remember it well.

My life, these days, however, is different. So much different. And it took giggling over baby bellies for me to realize that many of those differences are actually quite awesome. Yes, I will enjoy watching their bellies grow and will snuggle those little ones endlessly given the opportunity (the babies, not the bellies). I would pat little diaper bums and rub circles on their wee backs. I would look at their beautiful little faces and make gooey noises at them.

But no. You could not pay me a million dollars to go back there myself. I've done my years (almost 18 of them so far at my oh-so-young age of 38) and cherish them. But I'm happy to move on.

Yes, I have teenage girls. And a younger girl who thinks she is a teenager. Yes, they swear at me and roll their eyes and stay up too late and write "I thot you loved me" in the dust on my car. Yes, they can choose their own friends, and it doesn't matter whether or not I like them, seeing as how they schedule their own playdates now. (And trust me, if any of those playdates result in me rocking a babe-in-arms again, heads are gonna roll!)

Yes, there are demands for money and more scheduling and plenty of "that's gay!" comments. There are scantily clad self portraits on facebook and lots of creepers that they trust because that's what big-hearted girls do. There is girl drama and cat fights constantly. And yes, money is extremely tight.

There is more clean up than every before. They are far messier than any toddler, with the exception that they don't fingerpaint on the walls with their own poop. But they are still plenty gross nonetheless. There is still much potty talk and a whole lotta bodily functions.

And keeping the oldest one dressed is almost harder now than it was when she was two.

However.

The majority of my time now is spent driving kids around. Of trying to remember who has to be where when. Of homework (soon) and school nights and late-night phone calls. Of fighting over computer and TV time. Of trying to convince the offspring that it is okay to help with dishes, do their laundry and clean their own room. Of watching them play sports with no car seats or strollers.

And while I no longer stand by a crib carefully watching a little chest move up and down, I do sometimes stand by an empty bed in a pink tinkerbell bedroom wondering when the little body who belongs there will be home. A reminder that my life isn't perfect. (Yet.)

The rest of my time, the time I've been most concerned about over the past years - me time - has come to me in abundance. For the most part. With the exception of the stuff I've already mentioned, my life is my own now.

As I sit here, finally blogging, I have one kid out (somewhere), another watching TV and the third out playing on the block with her friends. I have come down to the computer in peace. There is no screaming. No tantrums. No demands on my time.

And I can sit and read a book on the deck with no interruptions.

As promised, things do get better - and easier - as I become less important in my childrens' lives. Their independence is my independence.

How sweet is that?

Life without kids?

2011-06-07T22:44:00.005-06:00

There are writing prompts that speak to you sometimes, and this was it for me.

3.) Describe what you think your life would be like if you had never had kids.
(inspired by Amy from Somebody's Parent)

A life with no kids?

Let's pretend for a moment that there are some good parents out there who will choose this option - and that I am one of them. Yes, we know better, but work with me here, okay?

I wasn't the youngest mom out there, but I was the youngest of my circle. So, let's take a look at my life for a moment without those cranky, hormonal beings that insist on living here and calling me "mom" (on a good day).

I would get up in the morning with no one to haul out of bed but myself. The shower would be mine, when I want it. My conditioner would be full, AND it would be a salon brand. There would be towels clean and folded, as opposed to wet and crumpled on my floor. I would save an extra five minutes because I wouldn't have to look around for my hairspray. It would just be right where I left it.

I would most certainly not be living here. I would be in some executive apartment style condo with a gym and a pool and I would be mortgage free.

I would leave for work when I was ready. There would be no angry children on my heels waking the neighbourhood. My work phone would be answered to those calling for a real reason, not just wondering what was for supper.

I would have extra money that wouldn't need to be spent on field trips, child care and truck loads of candy for bribes. Money would be plentiful. I would drive a cutesy little convertible two-seater, and my wee little no-baby-body (that I keep this way because I am a most awesome fitness trainer) would be dressed to kill. My fake blond hair would be blowing in the wind. I would be quite amazing.

I would be free to see my friends, who wouldn't be so free to see me due to their own children getting in the way of their lives. And I would be completely judgemental about the way they are raising said children and absolutely and totally upset that they can't just go out at the drop of a hat like I can.

I would take amazing holidays to far away places. I would have so many more options with only one or two people to pay for, instead of five. Greece, Italy, Paris, Hawaii and Fiji. Oh. My. Stars. And did I mention my bikini body?

Last, but certainly not least, I would have no one to do 17 loads of laundry for every week. No one to come home to cook and clean for. No one to tell me that I'm effing stupid, or that they hate me. No one to embarrass by playing my Glee Rocky Horror Picture Show music full bast with all the windows down. No one to shout "I love you" to outside of their school in front of their friends. I would have no tiny little soccer players of my own to watch and cheer for. No cheerleaders or singers to make my heart full.

There would not be a precious little seven year old snoring and sneaking her thumb under the blanket in bed here beside me.

And that would really suck. My time will come. And I will try to be patient and wait it out.

They're worth it, after all. I think.

A Repost from exactly two years ago, in honour of our upcoming first camping trip of the season.

2011-06-07T22:23:00.001-06:00

And all he's left with is a blubbery, blubbering wife.

So, we went camping in our new-to-us trailer for the first time this weekend.

Oh. My. Stars.

I'm one of those wives who tends to think about things before diving in. Thus, my endless questions about how much weight our truck can pull. More questions about "What if we push on the slideout without the bars being put on (because it would be just like us to forget....)?" Does he know how to pump out the crap? Load the fresh water? Are the stabilizer bars on okay? What are those boards for? Are you sure we don't need one of those triangle things on both sides? How is the truck doing? Maybe if you take it out of cruise control on the hills it won't be so hard on the motor. Are you sure the dog isn't going to jump out? Aren't we too close to the neighbours fire pit? Isn't our own fire pit going to burn our awning? You should be using your emergency break.

Yup. That's me.

Aren't I amazing? Leon is so lucky to have me. Just consider everything he would have screwed up if I wasn't there. In fact, he is so confident that I helped iron out all the bugs this first time out that he figures he's okay going without me from now on.

I'm just kidding. He's stuck with me most times.

Although, I do have to say that for someone who is so on the go all the time - and I do seriously mean all the time - camping is incredibly boring. I mean, really, what the heck do you do out there? And let us remember that I'm a boredom eater. A Costco size bag of M&M's, ice cream, raw weiners, coolers. I'm going to be a house if I go camping very often!!

You get up in the morning and brush your teeth outside in front of your neighbours so you don't waste water or grey water tank space. Then you have breakfast outside in front of all of your neighbours. Then you sit outside and scratch your butt in front of all your neighbours. It's a little weird when you think about how much of yourself you are sharing with these neighbours.

And then the neighbours get to delight in watching this first time trailer family.

They can laugh at you while you back into your stall, get everything set up, and then realize you forgot to stop at the water tap and fill up, so you hook the trailer back up and head out to get water. Then you think the water is full, so you go back to your stall and set up and realize the hose is a little funky so you actually didn't get any water at all, so you make trips to the water tap with a jug and fill it manually anyway.

They can watch while I pull out the lawn chair/bed thing. I laid it out so carefully and got the back and legs just where I want them. With my book in one hand and drink in the other, I go to sit down and suddenly I'm laying on the ground with my legs in the air. I guess the one set of legs didn't lock into place. And if they didn't see it actually happen, the laughter from my family most definitely made them look after the fact. (I was a little stunned and laid there for a few minutes, laughing foolishly at myself.)

They watch, and smell, while the girls scam poor Olivia into scooping up dog poop. Really big dog poop.

They listen while my dysfunctional children (hey, it's them, not me!) have atter in their high-pitch, blood-curdling ways.

They get to enjoy the singing around the campfire (decked out in winter jackets for crying loud!) as my girls put on a concert. Lordy, do they sound beautiful together!

Then finally, they help while Leon "breaks" the trailer. Our jack broke and he had to try a make shift jack to get the ball/hitch thing hooked up on the truck. CRASH! Down goes our trailer. Thankfully we had a farm girl next door who just the week before had to learn this process when their tire fell off their combine.

It was not pretty. At all. I had to walk away to have a meltdown. At that moment I decided this camping thing was just too stressful. And really really really frigging cold. Did I mention that?

Then we got home. And there was almost nothing to unpack, save two loads of laundry and the perishables from the fridge/freezer.

How totally handy is THAT??

I think I'll go out again after all.

Originally posted June 8 2009

The Executive Chef

2011-06-04T09:12:00.000-06:00

Olivia's big commercial debut! Well done baby girl!

Is It Wrong?

2011-02-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that my daughter loves to get zipped into a collapsible Dora laundry hamper?

Is it wrong that she rolls around behind me

while I tidy around the house?

Is it wrong that she wiggles and giggles in this thing?

For hours?

Yeah, I don't think so either.

Cassie's Big Day

2011-02-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

Cassie's 14.

Oh. My. God.

Isn't she beautiful?

And she has her learner's license.

Lord help us all.

Another Year --- Another Cheer

2011-02-22T20:43:00.006-07:00

Just some pics of the Victoria Co-Ed awesomeness. This is the 25th year Vic has won the Cities competition. And Oh. My. God. Is it fabulous!

See the post below for the video!

RIBT 2011 Redmen Invitational Victoria Co-Ed

2011-02-22T20:40:00.003-07:00

My 11 New Year's Resolutions for 2011

2011-01-01T14:10:00.004-07:00

I would like to accidentally write 2010 on patient visit sheets only 37 times, which is half my usual, before figuring out that it is actually 2011.
I will get a signed agreement from Olivia that for the remainder of the winter she will only lose left-hand mittens so we can at least make mismatched pairs.
I would like to unclog my bathroom sink.
I would like to be a nicer, kinder person. Except to those who don't deserve it.
I would like to lose 40 pounds, but failing that, would at least like to weigh less than my dog.
I will try really hard not to make nasty assumptions of the person in front of me driving the Toyota 30 kms below the speed limit.
I will try not to swear as much.
Scratch number 7. I'm just setting myself up to fail.
Stop calling Baba a nasty old hagbitch. (It's okay. I'm not that mean. She's not MY Baba.)
De-clutter. I mean, really. A husband, three kids and a dog?? One's going to have to go.
Take on 2011 with an open mind and lots of laughter. It doesn't ALL have to piss me off. Or at least people don't have to actually SEE how much they annoy me.

My Christmas Letter

2010-12-15T12:21:00.007-07:00

Because I can't find the damned cards that I know I bought last year, I've thrown together a letter to go out in it's place. I've even done up a word search with some words from our past year, but sadly can't get that to load on my blog, but for some fun ,try this link to the word search. Keep in mind, of course, that this letter is printed on beautiful Christmas paper that I chose with great care... from the cheap rack.

That said, for those who think they might receive a letter from me this year, you may or may not want to read this now. Truthfully I'm scaling back on my Christmas greetings for local peeps this year.

December 14, 2010

I hope this letter finds you all healthy and happy! Personally, I’m digging a little deeper this year to find some joy. It’s been a rough one for us, but this letter is going to positively reflect our year, even if I have to B.S you a little bit!

Leon is still enjoying his career as a fire fighter and landed the July page in the 2010 Edmonton Fire Fighter Calendar! I highly recommend you check out his video on you tube – with the volume up for extra chuckles from my mom’s hooting! Leon has also taken up hunting, much to the disappointment of the doe currently residing in my freezer.

Sadly, Leon lost an aunt and uncle this past fall, which was closely followed by his Dad having a heart attack while in Winnipeg for one of the funerals. He is home now and doing well! His parents celebrated their 80th birthdays with a big move out of the long-time family home and into a beautiful senior’s condominium.

Asia is 16 and in grade 11 this year. She is still cheerleading, although she feels it may be her last year at it. She has been fortunate with the travel opportunities in the last few years with trips to California, Florida, Seattle x2 and will be off to Hawaii in April.

On the down side, she has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) which is causing struggles and tension both at school and at home. She lived with a friend for a few months through the spring and summer, but is home again (home again, jiggity jig). We are hopeful that she will be back on track very soon!

Cassie is in grade 8 and will be 14 in January. She is studying hard for her learner’s license and has been warned that she will be learning to drive in her Dad’s truck, with her Dad’s guidance. This mama is just not cut out for that kind of pressure, nor is my car. She is doing well in school and is very proud of her grades. She is striving for honours next term, and for a chuckle in that regard, check out my blog at http://adayinrhondaslife.blogspot.com/2010/11/how-is-this-all-i-can-come-up-with.html. She is playing indoor soccer again and loves it. She is a very happy girl with only occasional hormonal meltdowns and I am incredibly thankful for that.

Liv will be 7 on Boxing Day and is in grade 2. Her reading skills are exceptional, especially considering she was only agreeable to learning her letters last year, far behind everyone else in her class. She has some ADHD testing in her near future, because I don’t know the difference between ADHD and being busy and a bit of a brat. She is also playing soccer and has gotten quite good at it. Having her birthday so late in the year means that she plays with kids who are older and bigger and she has learned quickly that she’s going to need to be quick and a little bit aggressive, much to her mama’s delight. She tried out recreational cheerleading this fall, but we quickly discovered that it is just not the sport for her. Overall, she is spoiled rotten and treats us all to many crazy tantrums. I often tell her that she is lucky she’s so cute, even with no front teeth.

Let’s not forget Ringo. He is still a great big goofball. He is incredibly neglected, but somehow continues to love us anyway!

And me? I’m working full time and have been since August 2009. I work at one of our hospitals with a wonderful group of pharmacists. I have scaled back with my photography as it just got to be too much on top of a full time job and running around with the kids. I am still playing soccer and totally love it! Work and soccer keep me sane.

I am stubbornly trying to convince my body that it can achieve a size six again on nothing other than chocolate, cookies and potato chips, but so far it isn’t working. Fear not, I am persistent and refuse to give up my research. Go ahead and laugh, but you just wait. My discovery will make me rich one day, and then won’t you feel silly.

So that is where 2010 has brought us – and I only had to lie a little bit…

Merry Christmas to you all and all the best in 2011!

Love, Rhonda, Leon, Asia, Cassie, Liv and Ringo

My Blog Is My Therapy

2010-12-07T20:10:00.007-07:00

Note: This is not a post that you want to read. I'm not kidding. Go to the top corner of your screen and exit now. Before it's too late.

You probably wouldn't believe how close I came to just keeping my car running in the garage tonight. I actually started to make myself a deal that if I was still conscious by the time Cassie had to be picked up from soccer, well then, that would mean that I was meant to endure this bullshit just a little bit longer. I guess the positive side of this paragraph is that I haven't actually looked into how long it would take carbon monoxide to kill me.

That's me. Always looking up.

For those who think that would be just a plain old selfish, shitty thing to do, you're entitled to your opinion. And for others who think I should be immediately locked up in Alberta Hospital, you're entitled to your opinion too. Rest assured, that option would kill me faster than anything else, so it probably wouldn't be wise. But whatever. I know for a fact that every parent after 16 years of crap has looked at that oncoming semi and thought, this could all be over in a second. I'm just being down-right fucking real, and for anyone out there who actually enjoys this crapshoot called parenting and want to judge me, then you clearly haven't walked a mile in my shoes. In fact, I think I'd bet on you lasting about five steps before you tear your feet out of said shoes and throw them as far as you can while sprinting in the other direction.

I hate wads of crotch-swiped toilet paper on my bathroom floor. I hate dishes all over my living room. I hate all my broken stuff that I used to love. I hate peeling used tampons off the wall behind the toilet. I hate being hated because in between working all day, making supper, putting Liv to bed and taking a kid to soccer, I asked, nay, demanded help with dishes. I said "as much as you can do in five minutes". That was asking too much. REALLY????

I hate that my kid failing school, dropping classes and getting fired leads to a 'you-know-nothing-mind-your-own-business' bullshit attitude. Not my business?? Since it's my job to make sure you're not living here when your 30, and you are clearly going down that road, I'm making it my fucking business!!! Who the hell do you think you are telling me that I have no right to get all in your face when you screw up your life? And then you demand respect? REALLY?

And last but not least, the littlest daughter is crying because she can't go to a birthday party that I have no control over because she'll be busy with her cheer recital that I had no control over. But hey, at least she's inconsolable because SHE'S SIX!!!

And yes. With the exception of the tampon (which happened about two weeks ago and I just haven't yet recovered from) this was 30 minutes of my evening.

A mere 30 minutes in my own personal hell.

*Addendum

Upon much reflection, once I cooled off, I decided to still go ahead and post this. It's my blog after all. And I hope to one day look back at this and laugh at my foolishness. At the rate things are going, I'll be reading it in a few years from the recreation room of the women's facility and thinking back on how good things were at this stage of my life and how I wish that I could just have it all back.

**Addendum
Cassie has apologized for her part in all this and is now working her fanny off cleaning the house. Liv is fast asleep.
Asia is hiding in her room.

I Rescued A Human Today

2010-11-29T21:22:00.001-07:00

I RESCUED A HUMAN TODAY.

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life.

She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship.

A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.

How Is This All I Can Come Up With After All This Time??

2010-11-23T20:51:00.004-07:00

I promised myself that if I could remember how to get into this account, I'd blog. Just a quick post. And I am finding that even after all these months, I'm stuck. My mind is blank. My fingers motionless.

All I've got is this:

These are the things I heard from my 13 year old tonight immediately following "I want to get honours next semester."

How do you spell "honours"?
Is my middle name "Page" or "Paige"?

Awesome.

Have A Happy Period.

2010-09-16T09:54:00.002-06:00

I know this has made its rounds before, but Oh. My. God. I love it so much I just had to share it again. Bahahahaha! I so adore this woman!

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t.

And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Wendi AaronsAustin , TX

Let's see if this one works:

2010-08-30T21:17:00.001-06:00

The Thingy

2010-08-29T13:18:00.001-06:00

The
Thingy

Say What??

2010-08-21T10:01:00.004-06:00

Okay, so I'm just going to come out and say it.

My family is crazy.

And I'm the sane one. So what does that tell you?

Seriously. I said that to Leon last night and he looked at me. Deadpan.

And I thought, WTF??

For the first 8 years I was monotone, even-tempered and b*o*r*i*n*g.

In other words, I was a doormat.

And that gets tiring.

And it hurts. Because no one ever notices your sacrifices.

So eventually I said fuck it.

Because I wanted a life too.

So now, I'm busy from working a full time job +.

I'm back to parenting three kids through tension so thick a machete can't cut through it.

And I've learned that to get anything done, I have to nag just a little bit.

Boiling over inside because no one was lifting a finger wasn't helping anyone.

Anger issues? Um. Yeah. It's called being busy, tired and stressed out.

And if someone takes me out in soccer I want to retaliate by destroying their knee caps. You have a problem with that?

And just FYI, having moods that consist of anger, sadness, joy and blah is not a mental illness.

At least that's what all the little voices in my head are telling me.

My Best Answer To Any Question Will Always Come In Blog Form

2010-08-19T21:07:00.009-06:00

I was asked a little while ago how I put up with Leon's imperfections.

Yes, plural.

Now, please understand (Leon) that this wasn't a question specifically directed at me because Leon is such a pest. Even though he is. Rather, it was a general relationship question. And for some reason, this person thought that I might actually have a most perfect and inspiring answer.

My answer was "bite my tongue and tip-toe". I know. I'm chalk full of wisdom.

However, having had some time now to digest the question and properly regurgitate a most fabulous answer, I feel the need to share it with everyone. (Complete with music if you want to scroll down and play it while you read.)

So here it is to all seven of you who read my poor, neglected blog.

I put up with Leon's imperfections because he is my husband. My confidante. My friend. The father of my children.

And you know what? He also puts up with my many imperfections. I leave my shoes wherever they happen to leave my feet. (And it takes three sweeps of the house for me to find them.) I insist on leaving my hair products on the bathroom counter. (And he insists on putting them away.) God knows I have put on weight since we met. (And bless him for pretending to look the other way when we both know he isn't.) I prefer to read at night. (And we'll just leave it at that.) I've decided since going to work full time that McDonald's provides a fully balanced meal consisting of meat, potatoes, bread and pickles. (And so he cooks me REAL food without complaining. Much.)

I find that we have both hardened in some ways that I wish we hadn't. And we both put up with habits and traits that may just drive each other crazy.

Because you know what? We're just human. I have a few people in the world that I love to judge, but for the most part I won't notice if you put on weight or get a bad haircut. I won't mind if you swear like a sailor or are the prude of all prudes. If I love the person that you are, then I will love you no matter what.

Even if you're a shit.

Which Leon is. On the best of days.

We did have a very rough patch not long ago. And I mean rough.

We worked through it.

We showed we were human.

We faced how delicate a marriage really can be.

And I honestly feel that we are better for it.

I'm still here after 18 years, three kids, several dogs and even more houses, bills and even more bills, whiny bouts of tears and countless rounds of hysterical laughter, because I want to be.

Flaws and all.

I May Look Calm, But In My Head I've Killed You Three Times

2010-08-10T22:28:00.007-06:00

I have to say, some of these little "likes" on facebook are an absolute freaking riot!! Check it out:

He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito! (This one is extra special, because we have been taken over by the horrible things. Finally warm and now we can't even go outside.)
I may look calm, but in my head, I've killed you three times. (Oh. My. God. I have so been here.)
Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a retard in tin foil (Yup. I got this one covered too. Those of you invited to my private blog know bits and pieces of this story. That blog was deserted promptly once I forgot where the hell it was and how to get into it. Sigh...)
No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere in the world there is a man fed up with her bullshit!!! (And for every man fed up, you can't bet she has pissed off approximately 17 of her BFF's just for being beautiful!)
so you love me..dose your girlfriend know (I love the spelling in this one. It has "forever mistress" written all over it, doesn't it?)
Roses are red Violets are blue I've got five fingers The middle one's for you (Love it. Sheer brilliance.)

So, now you know the tamer side of what your kids are looking at on facebook. You'd better start paying for your own nursing home now my friends. This is not an intelligent group.

The Things I Know For Sure

2010-08-09T23:31:00.006-06:00

James Patterson is my favorite summer read. I've read about a million of his books this summer and they are great for the park, driving (at red lights or as a passenger.... tee hee) at the beach or in bed after a long day. The chapters are nice and short so you can plow through a book in no time at all. It makes you look incredibly smart to have your nose in a different book every second day.

Old family friends are having baby number nine. They say it's a boy. I say it's the lemur, Zaboomafoo. (I swear it IS his little smiling face looking out!) We'll have to wait a few more months to find our for sure. U/S techs have been known to make errors every now and then. Or hey, we could both be right and it's a boy lemur.

Photo jacked from friend's facebook page without permission. :-)

I'm still waiting for my cortisone injection and continue to load up on drugs before and after soccer games. The rest of my activities have dropped off and my boredom eating has increased, so almost all that weight I lost in the winter is now back. Yay me.

Leon and the girls minus one are camping. I'm working all week and trying to squeeze in some visits with girlfriends and overtime to pay for my car.

Minus one is still not home. We're quickly approaching the three month mark and there is still no sign of hell freezing over. However winter is quickly going to be upon us, which will be perfect timing for school, soccer and cheer fees coming due. Seeing as Edmonton = Hell and winter = freezing, thus Hell will be freezing over before we know it. (If you read into that my total dislike of this place I live and am stuck in, you would be correct.)

I spent much of today in a bit of a funk. People who read my blog may think that happens often, but it actually doesn't. My blog is just where I put it all so I can lighten my load. I found out that "minus one" is so completely against coming home even for a night that she broke a window to get in to 'her house' because her one of her other options would have been to come home. Something as simple as "Hey, I'm locked out of my house, can I crash at your house tonight?" didn't even enter the equation. Oh, and that would have been her wording, not mine, by the way. Nice, huh? I don't know what it was we did, or maybe that we didn't do, to cause her to hate us so much, but she can barely be in the room with me. I know that she's a teenager and she's supposed to be stupid and selfish, but can we not catch a break at some point? At least tell us what we're doing wrong so we don't drive the other two away.

Speaking of the others, I let Liv sleep with me last night because her dad was working a night shift and they were heading off camping. (Where I know she will totally miss me no matter how adamantly she denies it.) I woke up at 4:00 in the morning with her completely on top of me. Not just partially. Nope. Completely! I was on my tummy and she was laying on my back on her tummy, completely over top of me. Weird.

Cassie is addicted to a new teen trilogy. She has been reading non-stop since Thursday. We're talking until 3:00 a.m. You know what that means, right? Yup. Another cranky teenager. Sigh... Oh, and it's the Dark Powers trilogy if anyone is interested. (The Summoning, The Awakening and The Reckoning)

So, overtime for me tomorrow, two dates crammed into Wednesday evening and then more overtime on Thursday. Good times. When the hubby and children are away, the wife will work her freaking tail off. Oh well. At least I'm not cleaning the house. Even I have my limits.

Who Says Size Matters?

2010-07-11T22:44:00.012-06:00

Meet Ringo, our 190 pound English Mastiff.

Ringo, meet DumbLittleSquirrel.

I know, Ringo. It's a Provincial Park. You can't touch him. And he knows it.

Better luck next time, my boy.

Hidden Treasure!

2010-07-11T22:44:00.008-06:00

We were at Long Lake this weekend, which is one of Alberta's Provincial Parks. We went for a nature walk and on our way back I ventured off the path and into the bush. (Which is apparently a no-no, so don't tell....) Suddenly Cassie looks down and sees:

To which we say, "WTF?".

Cassie and Leon start pulling this container out of its hidey hole and open it up. (Picture re-enacted by Liv, who was not with us initially.)

Inside this container was a notebook and pen so that you could write a little something and date it. It went back to early summer 2008 and was written on by many.

There were little items in there. On the instructions, which was an actual website idea, you were to look at it and enjoy the find. If you wanted to take something out you were welcome to, but you had to put something in in its place. You notice Liv holding a silly little ball thingy. That was her donation and she took out a Little Pet Shop toy. There was everything from camp straps to tape to ear plugs to toys. There was even a love note to a long lost love, vowing to find each other again. It was so sweet!

This was easily one of my top 5 Long Lake moments in all the years we've been going there.

I'll finish with a photo of the young lady who first found the "Happy Place" container, and the girls and Ringo with it. I plan to print the group shot and put it in a ziplock baggie and put into the container.

Next to this, of course, would be the fact that I have caught more fish than Leon. I will enjoy this for now, because naturally it is just beginner's luck.

Maybe.

My Name Is Rhonda. I Was A Blogger, But It Has Been Two Weeks Since My Last Post.

2010-06-29T11:44:00.002-06:00

I feel like I should be reintroducing myself.

Hello self.

I say self because I'm pretty sure everyone else has given up on me by now.

I thought I would post a quick update. Life is getting out of hand and I just can't keep up. I'm PMSing. My body hurts from soccer and bug bites. I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. I've gained 10 pounds. And I'm a little cranky.

Asia is still doing her thing. She has been gone six weeks today, but who's counting? She is coming over for supper tonight and to be honest, I'm a little nervous. How totally stupid is that? What do I do if she doesn't want to come home? What do I do if she does? Shit. Hahaha.

I got a new-to-me car. It's a Dodge Magnum. Black with tinted windows. I'm calling myself Mafia Mama. I think it fits, seeing as I'll be turning to drugs soon if life doesn't shape up, and since I'm PMSing, I may just off someone pretty damned soon.

We went to the lake for the first camping weekend last weekend. It was actually nice. But shhhh.... Don't tell Leon. It'll go to his head. I went fishing for the first time and entertained my family with how "excited" I got (truly it was just totally scared shitless, but it's my blog and I'll lie if I want). My very first catch was a jack that poked his face out of the water and opened up his big-ass ugly mouth so wide I thought he was going to swallow me whole. I screamed. Really loudly. Then he spit out the hook and swam away. I think he was laughing at me, but I can't be sure. I got totally sunburned and was really close to saying screw the rules and going braless at work on Monday. But I chickened out. It would have been really embarrassing if the ladies peaked out the bottom of my shirt to say hello, dontcha know.

I changed the layout of my blog and now have lost my daily reads. You know, the one that updates as my peeps post? Gone. I'm totally bummed, because if nothing else, I would now and then come on here just to keep up with others. And now I don't know how to get it back and I don't remember blog websites. So, what the heck do I do now?

Liv and Cassie have their last day of school today. Next week they will be heading off with their Dad to the lake for 10 days and I will join them on weekends. My weekdays will be booked with dates to see old friends that mom guilt won't let me see except for when my family is gone. The rest of the time I will work my full time job and my casual job for extra cash since we moms all know that when our families are gone, all we do is clean house anyway, right?

So, that's about it, I think. I don't know when I'll be back. I'm worried that if my blog is ignored for too long, then it'll be wiped out. Does that happen? Not sure, but I don't want to risk it.

Is It Getting Hot In Here, Or Is It Just Me - And 800 Other Women...

2010-06-14T22:19:00.002-06:00

For your viewing pleasure, Leon's 2011 Fireman Calendar Tryouts that went on last weekend. He got first place competing against 22 other firemen. I highly recommend you watch it with your sound up. The music is essential to the show - as is my mother's laughter!! lol

Laughter Is Always The Best Medicine.

2010-06-04T10:55:00.005-06:00

1.) I sometimes laugh when I’m uncomfortable…or being yelled…or in church…or at a funeral. Write about a time when you laughed at an inappropriate time.

I'm a little late in my writer's workshop post. Life, and Facebook's Family Feud has gotten in the way of my blogging. But better late than never, though, and can you believe that I'm going to write about something other than Asia?

I definitely laugh at inappropriate times. Two in particular come to mind.

First was during Christmas Eve service at Leon's family's catholic church. Let me just say that I don't do silent, serious moments well. And even worse for me are catholic church moments. Even in my lowest moments, I will come up with something off the wall to lighten the mood. Now if something funny happens in one of these situations, I'm just screwed. I will laugh without ceasing for embarrassing lengths of time.

Church service was just starting and they were doing their processional down the middle of the church, the alter boys following behind the priest. They got to the dais, or alter, whatever, and one of the alter boys tripped on his little white dress thingy as he was going up the stairs. He stumbled up a couple of the steps and caught himself. I thought it was hilarious.

And then he tripped again.

And I basically just freaking LOST it. I laughed the entire hour. Leon's mom elbowed him and told him to tell me to get it together. Ha. Fat chance. It was by far my favorite Christmas Eve church moment.

The other time was actually when we were meeting with the minister for our wedding. Harold was my family's church's minister and thankfully he was very down to earth and pretty cool. Again, a serious, quiet discussion in his tiny little office.

For no reason at all, I started to laugh. I know it was nerves. But that didn't help to stop. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. My face was contorted into that awful look a person gets when they are trying their darnedest to stop laughing.

It was ugly.

And embarrassing.

Everyone was worried I wouldn't be able to get through the wedding without imploding. I did, however, thanks to the various moments during the ceremony when we could all laugh off the tension. Like the big "Yeehaw" when I came down the isle, jamming the ring on Leon's finger with full sound effects and wee Asia clapping her hands and saying "yay!" after we were pronounced husband and wife.

Knowing me, there have been plenty of other "moments". I do laugh a lot. Usually uncontrollably. Usually late at night. And usually at my husband's expense. Tee hee.

Okay, Now I'm Just Angry

2010-06-01T12:47:00.005-06:00

I think I'm going about this in totally the wrong order, but whatever. I never have done things quite right. And I'm sure the subject of my ire will confirm that whole heartedly.

I'm angry.

I'm angry that she thinks she is such a victim.

I'm angry that she seems to hate us for no reason. (Unless you can consider opportunity, encouragement, love and a nice trip to Florida no reason.)

I'm angry that she is putting us through this.

I'm angry that she is just a selfish little brat who doesn't have a clue.

I'm angry that she thinks we owe her.

I'm angry that she can thrive in another woman's home while being nothing but hateful in mine.

I'm angry that we're having to put on smiles and pretend that everything is okay while our hearts are breaking.

I'm angry that she is still running my house when she no longer even lives in it.

I'm angry that she was so mean to her Dad when he was just going to the school to pay for HER bus pass.

I'm angry that she wants to use us and make demands and she thinks that this is okay.

I'm angry that she has told her Gramma and Godmother to leave her the hell alone.

I'm angry that she has so little respect for herself and her family.

I'm angry that she doesn't see that having friends who are okay with the way she is acting means that she needs to pick her friends better.

I'm angry because while she is happy as can be and apparently doing well, I can't see that for myself.

I'm angry that she has taught her sisters that running away is okay. Because it is so clearly not.

I'm angry that she phones just so she can pick fights and make demands and that she succeeds in making me feel lousy.

I'm angry that this is taking all my energy and the result is that I'm probably not the mother I should be to my other kids.

I'm angry.

I'm just plain old fucking angry.

I Wish There Was A Chapter In The Instruction Manual For This One

2010-05-22T18:24:00.003-06:00

Asia came to visit Livvy today. She waltzed in like nothing happened.

Like she didn't just get kicked out of school and choose to run away when I tried to talk to her about it.

Like we didn't just go three days without hearing from her.

Like we are so completely in the wrong that we should have welcomed her with open arms.

I couldn't do it. To be honest, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.

I've never been in this situation before.

But I get the feeling that I should figure out how to handle it really quickly.

Because it is probably going to happen again.

And again.

Because we will never be allowed to parent her.

And we can't not parent her.

So where does that leave us?

What's Your Status?

2010-05-19T08:52:00.002-06:00

Some people are very vocal about what they think of facebook and status updates.

Some think it is a waste of time. Others quite happily keep up with your life via your status.

You can be funny. I have a past client who is an absolute HOOT on his status reports. For example, "I used to be schizophrenic. But we're okay now." Whenever he updates, you know it's going to be good.

You can be controversial if you choose. You want opinions on abortion or divorce or politics, put it in your status.

You can just plain old let people know what's going on in your day. "I'm off to the dentist. Yuck."

Some think that you should never put anything negative in your status, because people shouldn't have to see that you're having a bad day, or that you're sad. "Go to a therapist" was that person's general opinion. And if your status updates are routinely negative, then yes. You just might need a therapist. Sorry 'bout that.

Last night I updated my status to read:

"If anyone is FB friends with Asia and you see she's in a tight spot, please remind her that she is always able to come home. We're choosing the tough love option, but it's hard. I pray that she stays safe and makes smart choices."

The support poured in. I had comments on my status. I had personal messages.

To me, right now, my status update is my support system. That is the amazing thing with it. Friends and acquaintances sharing their own stories with me. Just sending a cyber hug. Words of encouragement.

I don't feel so alone.

Thank you, my friends.

Wordful Wednesday

2010-05-11T22:11:00.003-06:00

As I posted yesterday, I think I would be quite happy to do this full time. The problem for now is the evenings and weekends the job entails. While the kids are young and Leon is a shift worker, I am a little stuck in the 9-5 grind. I'll keep doing this part time for now. To keep my head in the game.

One day, though.... This will be what I do full time.

And I can't wait!

2010-05-09T21:12:00.005-06:00

I don't have an abundance of self confidence. I'm not a go-getter. And I'm a bit of a chicken.

But I have to tell you that I would love to take this photography gig to the next level. I love to do it and I usually love the results. I love the products I offer my clients. I love that they are happy with their pictures.

What I love most, though, is that most of my clients have come to be friends. I have clients on facebook. I see pictures that I have taken for them as their profile pictures. I look at the facebook photos and see in the background my work on their walls.

It's a great feeling.

I have clients that come back year after year. Even when I tried to convince one of them to go somewhere else, SHE had faith in me that I just didn't have in myself. (I don't do 'baby' pictures well, which is what she was needing... lol)

Now I know that I'm not overly artsy. I don't have time to take courses and learn all the new-fangled things that photographers are doing now. But what I do give is nice photos, fun photo shoots and good quality albums for a fair price.

And we have fun. And we stay in touch. And I think that rocks.

I'm so incredibly lucky!

And I just thought I would share that with you today.

Mother's Day - A Review

2010-05-09T20:46:00.002-06:00

My facebook status yesterday was something along the lines of "I wonder how many moms are busting their asses today so they can have the 'day off' tomorrow?" Most people responded that they, too are cleaning house. If that is normally something you would tinker away at on Sunday, then it stands to reason that it is something your family will do for you on Sunday. Otherwise, it's really not that special, is it?

Now personally, cleaning house is more of an every second, third or even fourth Sunday event. So, technically, I could argue that it actually would have been done today. I would totally have been full of crap, and even I know it, so I did it yesterday. Just because. But it did feel good to have an almost clean house today.

So, not only did I have a cleanish house this morning, I woke to the pitter patter of little size 1 feet making their way to my room. I opened my eyes to a sleepy little blonde who still had her thumb in her mouth (she's my baby, don't judge me) who announced "It's Mother's Day!" I was treated to a great big hug before she went to snuggle with the dog.

Asia came in and said "What's the weather supposed to be like today?". Then "Do we have school tomorrow, or is Mother's Day a long weekend?". Bless her heart.

Leon got me tickets to our local dinner theatre and is even letting ME decide who to take....

I got up and plunked myself in front of the computer for a bit. Then we got ready and headed out for breakfast at Humpty's. I had a delightful breakfast of an apple cinnamon cheddar omelet and in Lemoine style, guessed correctly at the total bill. I'm so awesome. We are so classy, we even tell the waitress what we are doing. Yup. Thankfully she doesn't hear us discuss how the hell we're going to pay for it.

Then it was time for the zoo! Our tiny little Edmonton zoo. It was fun. We only got a couple of hours there, but it was a good time, and they had a spa set up to give moms mani's and massages. Deeeeelightful! We waited and watched for Lucy the elephant. (Yes, the same one that Bob Barker has been spouting off about for the last year or so.) She was out walking the grounds with her trainer of 21 years and sadly did not come back for her spa treatment mud bath until we had to hurry back to mom and dad's for our Mother's Day BBQ and my brother's 40th birthday.

Shortly after 2pm we were speeding toward my old stompin' grounds to pick up Asia's boyfriend and go to Mom and Dad's. We enjoyed a wonderful lupper (lunch/supper) and sang to my incredibly old brother, then were making our way to Leon's parent's house for more BBQ'd goods.

The day finished with a giggling little tiny person refusing to go to sleep, and was topped off with a chocolate coffee toffee frosty from Wendy's. Yumm!

I hope your Mother's Day was equally wonderful!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T06:15:00.001-06:00

MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche;
They don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils
Are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors,
Filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough
Doesn't come out of carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what
The vacuum just sucked up...

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'
And get their answer when a little
Voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child's growth
Is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.....

The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything!

14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn't have a clue..

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
Shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Society Embarrassed by Aging

2010-05-06T22:38:00.000-06:00

Really?

Here's the article.

Obsession with youth appears in obituaries

There is a big increase in the use of decades-old photos showing the deceased as a strapping soldier or fresh-faced bride instead of the senior citizens most were when they died.

Photograph by : Filippo Monteforte/AFP/Getty Images

Shannon Proudfoot, Canwest News Service

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Our obsession with youth is obvious where least expected, new research suggests -- in the obituary pages.

In a new study, Keith Anderson, a social-work professor at Ohio State University, combed through four decades of newspaper obituaries and the photographs accompanying them.

He found a big increase in the use of decades-old photos showing the deceased as a strapping soldier or fresh-faced bride instead of the senior citizens most were when they died.

Anderson sees this as evidence of our society's growing obsession with youth and inability to see beauty in age.

"We don't select our own obit photographs in general, but the families do. It does point to what the families see as mom or dad at their best," he says. "As a society, I don't think we see someone who's 80 years old as at the prime of their life, which is a sort of ageist perspective."

Suzanne Scott, executive director of the Funeral Service Association of Canada, says funeral directors she spoke with believe it has more to do with families choosing a photo that represents the best of their loved one's life.

Anderson found that death at an older age made it more likely a younger photo would be chosen and women were twice as likely as men to have age-inaccurate photos, which he says points to the "double jeopardy" of ageism and sexism faced by older women.

I think that your loved ones will post a picture of you at a time when YOU felt your best.

A young, strapping soldier, defending his country. Short of being a husband and probably father, THOSE were his years. That is what he was proud of.

A picture of a young woman, in her nursing degree photo. A time when education wasn't important for women, and she probably had to work extra hard for what she got. Perhaps those were her best years.

I don't think a family looks at photos of their dearly departed and thinks, "Ew! Look at her age spots! We can't use that ugly thing!"

Personally, when I go, use a young picture of me. I don't like me right now. I would hate that THIS was a person's last impression of me. Use a picture where I was young, slim, pretty, carefree, and yes, happy. With no bags under my eyes or jowls like my English Mastiff. These extra 40 pounds are torture. Please, if I die tomorrow, don't use a now picture.

And for that matter, only play '80s songs. Because clearly I'm okay with living in the past.

An Open Letter To New Moms

2010-05-05T21:59:00.006-06:00

Okay, so here it is. In all its glory. Exactly what I think of parenting.

The Prompts:

1.) Open letter to new moms.

(inspired by Tiffany from The Secret Is In The Sauce).

Dear Foolish Young Soul:

Please know that while you are terribly excited and scared right now, soon, so very soon, you will hold your wee bundle in your shaking, nervous arms.

And please know that all your fears are about to come true.

He or she will poop and puke on you. But really, those are the least of your problems. That babe is going to keep you up nights, and you're not going to know why. You won't know what the hell is wrong when she is screaming her fool little head off. When her little privates are red and swollen and look like they hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, let me tell you here and now, they do, and short of letting her lay out buck naked and trying every diaper rash cream on the market, there's not a thing you can do about it.

But then she falls asleep in your arms, and she's snoring just a little bit, and you'll forgive her for peeing on your carpet.

Then they get a little older, and have ZERO social awareness. They won't care if they are in church or WalMart. They won't give a hoot that everyone on the entire planet is looking at them ... and YOU ... and thinking "Thank the good Lord above I am not the parent of THAT!"

And then, one rainy day, you'll come out of the grocery store and see her looking at a puddle. Just staring at it like a grown woman looks at a diamond ring. And you'll tell her to go ahead and jump in. Running shoes and all. And she'll look at you with great big eyes, like you are the best mom in the world. Trust me, stripping down a kid who just spent five minutes clomping around in a puddle the size of the ocean, and driving home with her giggling because she's buck naked in her booster seat, makes you forget the candy tantrum she had in the store just moments before.

When she's 7, she'll pick her nose on stage during the school play and she'll go to church in a cute little dress with no panties on. She'll swear at a kid during recess and you get hauled into the office, you'll want to disown her right there and then.

But later on, at bedtime, she'll read to you in a sing-song little voice, with her bony little shoulders moving and grooving to her own little beat, and you'll be convinced that the other kid started it - and even had it comin'.

The sad news, though, is that the precious little bundle that amazes you now, will one day turn into a typical teenager. She'll tell you to shut up. She'll be on the phone all the time, IF she's home. Her room will be trashed. She won't help with the dishes. She's just plain old mean and angry all. the. time.

I'm sure there will be a positive spin to put to this later. I just don't know it yet. Right now I'm thinking the reward, like the snoring baby, the giggling puddle jumper, and the reader, will be when the teenager moves out.

But I'll be sure to post another open letter when I know how it turns out. It's a thing of nightmares right now.

Just enjoy these little years. They are truly the best. And if you figure out a cure for teenopathy or learn a thing or two about bitchology, please, for the love of God...help me.

Wordful Wednesday

2010-05-04T21:41:00.002-06:00

This is the picture that inspired my Wordful Wednesday.

And my poll on the sidebar.

On Sunday we went to a local restaurant for a buffet lunch for my Uncle's 70th birthday.

Thankfully my parents helped out, and Leon was at work. Otherwise I would never have been able to afford it.

The kicker is that the bill included tip.

The food was alright. But the food doesn't make the tip.

The service does.

And the service sucked.

We sat in a room, with dishes piled around us, empty water glasses and no one in sight to ask if we needed anything. It was a buffet. We served ourselves. And nobody spoon-fed me. Which is kind of what I would have expected, seeing as they weren't doing anything else for a tip.

I got the bill for me, Cassie and Liv, and it came to a whopping $69!! (The fact that Liv ate 1/2 a french toast and one chocolate covered marshmallow is beside the point, I suppose....)

I couldn't figure out how it came to so much, and so I inspected the bill. It included a $9 service charge. Which was, I gathered, their tip.

In hindsight, I should have left my money for the buffet, and not the tip. They can't FORCE me to pay a tip, especially at a buffet, right? (No, seriously ... Am I right?)

When you factor in all the tip they made in our little party of about 15 or 20, for no services rendered, they made out pretty sweet. Almost as sweet as the chocolate fountain, in fact.

Which was exactly why I giggled just a little bit when I found Liv huddled up to the chocolate fountain, eating right there, handful of chocolate strawberry after handful of chocolate covered marshmallow!!

Had I been thinking, I would have joined her.

(And a note to my fellow Edmontonians, I don't recommend the Moose Factory. And if you DO go there, don't add a tip to the bill like my mom did earlier in the week, not realizing it was included. Because they will NOT be honest with you when you try to tip them again. Dinner for three was $150!!!! Including both tips.)

Now, go vote on my poll, wouldja?

And then go back to the next person on Awesome Angie's Wordful Wednesday post!

Suddenly The Brain Is Wondering: "Where The Hell Did My Blood Supply Just Go??"

2010-05-03T21:10:00.004-06:00

Wow, did I get a kick out of reading this.

They seriously did a "study" on how our brains function when we are

Interupted by a person of the opposite sex
Interupted by an attractive person of the opposite sex, and
Interupted by an attractive person of the opposite sex that is found to be attractive by the "study" participant.

Is anyone else wondering why the hell funds would be wasted on a study such as this? Should we not already have guessed at the outcome?

Seriously, what will they think of next??

Oh, by the way, women passed with flying colours.

You. Do. Not. Intimidate. Us.

Just sayin'.

In The Words Of My Daughter - FML

2010-04-28T22:16:00.004-06:00

Trip to Seattle - check

Cheerleading and soccer - check

A million bingos - check

Trip to Florida - check

A miserable daughter that nothing will ever be good enough for - check

Fully supportive of plans to strike out on her own and on her own dime - check

Feminine Hygiene - Day 2 GUYS...WATCH THIS!

2010-04-28T12:00:00.002-06:00

This commercial ROCKS!!!

So, just why are they so scared of these things? Are you telling me that as little boys they didn't take the paper off the back of maxipads and stick them to the mirrors, wall, and each other?

....Such ninnies!! lol

The Common Secret That No One Wants To Talk About (Guys, go away)

2010-04-27T12:16:00.003-06:00

Huh? Hell, I'll talk about it!!!

Urinary incontinence.

There! I said it!

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed about. We cannot push out children and expect to NOT be affected in some way.

Stress incontinence affects nearly all women who have had children. Some worse than others, of course, but for the most part, we moms can no longer jump on trampolines, skip rope, cough, sneeze, laugh or run.

For example, one time at a party I was standing chatting with someone and discovered something that DID embarrass me, though. And I don't embarrass easily these days!

I had bronchitis and coughed pretty constantly. After about 10 minutes or so, I realized that every time I had to cough, I would cross my legs. I wouldn't just squeeze my thighs together. No. No. No. That wouldn't have been near as horrifying. I would actually cross my right leg over my left and THEN squeeze.

Shit.

How could the whole room NOT have noticed that? From that moment, I decided to go and sit down and pee on my friend's couch instead. (Lynne, I'm KIDDING!)

I have had several laughs with my very good friend about these situations. She is actually looking into surgery for the problem, to which I say, good. You go first and let me know how totally awful it is. Then I'll consider it.

I've tried kegels and weight loss and dehydration. Truth is, my body "down under" is just plain old tired.

I am not ashamed to tell you that I actually protect myself from these horrible situations now. I would much rather support the feminine hygeine companies than leave a freakin' wet spot.

Now I play soccer, kick box, zumba, run, cough, sneeze belly laugh and skip rope to my heart's content.

I'm not letting something as silly as my bladder stop me from living life to the fullest. And I'm definitely not afraid to talk about it.

For I am WOMAN. Hear me ROAR. (With legs tightly crossed, of course!)

Grand Champion Cheer Team

2010-04-18T19:55:00.002-06:00

Our Victoria co-ed cheer team has been in Florida since Thursday. They competed this weekend (in a category by themselves unfortunately) and got .... drumroll please.....

First place!! lol

They did get the highest marks of the competition, so are truly grand champions!!

Unfortunately the weather isn't cooperating and they have been getting rained on. I'm hoping that Disney World weather will be fabulous and they will enjoy their last couple of days there.

Of note: Asia phoned today (OMG I so do NOT want to get her hotel room phone bill!) and Liv answered and started crying saying that she missed her "A". (For those who don't know, that is what she has called Asia since she was just wee.) By the time I got the phone I had two weeping little girls! Sadly, I give "A" five minutes once she is home before telling Liv to shut up and making sure she knows how totally annoying she is. Sigh....

Six Word Saturday

2010-04-17T15:52:00.002-06:00

Spending

Today

Enjoying

The

Beautiful

Weather

Virginity, I hereby reclaim you!

2010-04-16T10:38:00.003-06:00

Yes, you heard me.

Not that giving it away the first time was such a spectacular moment, you understand.

But because I CAN!

Young girls these days have found a way to take back that horrible drunken moment wherein they gave away that precious commodity to some random little dork that they just met.

They just reclaim it. Verbally.

"Virginity! I reclaim you!"

And then they can give it away again.

I know. I’ve said it before.

Teenage girls are dumb.

Just. Plain. Dumb.

We no longer have to, or can, get on a boy’s case for being a horny little piglet. They are little pigs because girls let them be so.

So if at some point you wish to reclaim your virginity, or it becomes so amazingly popular, or science deems this actually doable after years of research, remember:

You heard it here first.

Is This How You Would Feel If I Came Back To Blogging?

2010-04-12T21:36:00.002-06:00

My First Vlog

2010-03-29T19:07:00.002-06:00

Hopefully this will work. I've never tried to upload a video before.

Things you need to know before viewing:

1) Liv actually sang this song before we figured out how to video her. Once we got it to work she forgot some of the very important words. At this point you will hear me helping her. Tee hee...

2) If you watch VERY CAREFULLY at the beginning, you will see me trying to get myself out of the way before the recording starts, but I trip over the dollhouse behind me. We played it and played it and played it after and had ourselves a grand time laughing at myself. I actually "oofed" while I was tripping and stumbling. Not my finest moment.

3) If you happen to see me on there at all, please note that our webcam adds 30 pounds. Just FYI.

The Real Reason I Don't Want To Be The Other Woman

2010-03-21T19:17:00.004-06:00

I remember watching Disney movies and fairytales as a kid. I remember being sad that Bambi's mom died. Other than that, though, I don't recall being scared by the movies. Why is that?

Cindarella is orphaned and abused by her step-mother and step-sisters.

Snow White's step-mother tries to kill her.

Hansel and Gretal were "misplaced" by their father because of their step-mother.

Ariel and Jasmine don't even HAVE mothers, nor are they ever mentioned.

There was no mother figure in Pinocchio either.

Belle does not have a mother.

Nemo's mother is killed.

While it is sad, perhaps we should celebrate a dad getting knocked off in The Lion King?

Tarzan is orphaned AND his new dad hates him!

Why are we not haunted by these stories?

And why on earth would any woman want to be a step-mother? Holy cow, Disney has given "the other woman" a bad name!

We saw How To Train Your Dragon yesterday in a sneak preview. LOVED IT BTW!! However, Hiccup's mother, also, was nowhere to be found. BECAUSE SHE WAS DEAD!!!

Hey Disney..... Cut it out already! I'm an adult now and the thought of DYING and leaving my kids orphaned to some step-monster totally freaks me out!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen!

2010-03-18T21:00:00.001-06:00

Wow. Asia is sweet 16 today! Can you believe it?

16 years ago I was a very scared gal who sat outside

another very scared young lady's labour room while

she screamed for her mother. I frantically told my nurses

that I changed my mind. I didn't want to do this anymore.

Gawd. I wonder how many times they hear THAT in a day's work?

I went home that night after a full day's prep only to

discover my water broke and I was going to have to

go back to the hospital. I swore Leon to secrecy,

because he wanted to phone everyone under the sun

about what was goingon. "What if I just peed my pants??"

There is enough female humiliation involved in child birth,

so I was trying to save myself where I could. They assured

me when we got there that I was, in fact, a keeper.

They gave me something to help me sleep that night

because they wanted to let "it" happen on it's own.

Unfortunately, they didn't realize that the drugs

they gave me were going to scare me into doing the

absolute opposite, which meant I was up phoning my

friends at 3:00 in the morning because I was bored.

Nice, huh?

They ended up inducing me because Miss Asia had

pooped in utero. 13 hours later, a very bluish-purple,

tiny little being joined the world. She had a pointy little head,

a huge, flat nose, and wisps of black hair.

I remember when they laid her on my tummy. I was thinking

"OhGod!Thisissupposedtobeabeautifulmoment!ThisissoNOTabeautifulmoment!Getitoff!"

Then they took her to bathe her and I stayed in my bed in a

post-epidural paralyzed state being angry and cussing beyond

belief because I was stuck and nobody would help me

get up and watch her get her bath. I was stuck in a room

with a nurse who didn't give a shit that EVERYONE left to

see MY baby and I was stuck here. Bitch could have

helped me into a wheelchair so I could see too!

But, happily, by the time I got to my room Asia was

nice and clean, her head had taken on more of a human

shape and her little nose had popped out. She had tiny

little perfect features.

So. Damned. Cute!

Yes, I Would Have Drugged My Mother.

2010-03-17T21:52:00.003-06:00

The Prompts:

1.) If you had to relive a day in your life what day would it be?

2.) When do you first imagine yourself wishing you were older or bigger? Write about it.
(writingfix.com)

3.) Could a routine become interesting through words? Write about a person (perhaps you) caught up in a daily routine. Establish a rhythm with the story’s words that impersonates the rhythm of the routine.
(writingfix.com)

4.) Describe how your relationship with your spouse is different then the relationship your parents had while you were growing up.

5.) Write about someone who is an underdog.

Oh, this one is so easy!! It would totally be my wedding day.

Would I marry the same guy? Yes.

Would I wear the same dress? Probably.

The same limo? Abso-freaking-lutely!!! (Except I would have been more specific about taking a public route instead of the back roads of the legislature where no one could see us!! It was the totally coolest car on the planet! At least 14 years ago it was!)

I had big fun during the ceremony! Wouldn't change any of that!

I would have spent a few extra minutes on photos. I really had no plan, I just wanted to hurry the hell up so I could get back out to the car! Seriously. (I think that is why I make sure I take that extra time now when I shoot a wedding. I don't want them to have any regrets. Especially ones that I might be responsible for.)

I would have slept the night before.

I would have turned the lights down so people would dance more.

I would have warned the photographer that we were coming skipping in on stick horses to the Bonanza theme song for the reception so he could have been prepared. Gawd, he must have thought me the most empty-headed bride EVER!!

I would NEVER have done the receiving line at the reception. I would not have done one at all.

I would have PARTIED! I made trips up to the room for my bridesmaids (I was no fool giving anyone the keys to our room, lest I wanted the jaccuzi filled with condom water balloons and whipped cream topping all over the bed!) and I would have danced instead of sitting BY MYSELF watching everyone.

I would have visited with people. Holy cow, you'd never believe that I was shy, but in a crowd, I most definitely am. Even a crowd of MY OWN FAMILY! What a loser.

I would have thought before lending Diniz and Lynne our truck to go home in. They still could have taken it, but I would have THOUGHT to take our over night bags out first. We had to go to mom and dad's and get my clothes from the night before and get a sweater of my dad's for Leon for the next morning. Although speeding to my parents house at 1:00 in the morning definitely made for a funny wedding night story.

I would have instructed our DJ to play what the guests wanted to hear and told the bartender to quit watering down the drinks and hiding bottles of booze in his backpack.

Our first dance (a choreographed waltz to Dolly Parton's Rockin Years) kicked butt!!! However, in retrospect, even though we didn't like the person who helped choreograph, we really should have invited her. I feel a bit like a schmuck for dissing her.

I would have thought twice before choosing a "spring forward" time change weekend for our wedding. And Easter weekend to boot. The place was cleared out by 1 a.m.

I would have drugged my mother so she could have stayed longer.

I would have made sure my dad was in the hall so he couldhave seen the first dance. We were in such a hurry from the receiving line taking so long that I didn't even think about the people outside smoking!

I still would have taken off with the groomsmen's pants and boots and stood laughing while they had to run to the limo through the very public photo location in their underwear. Tee hee. LOVED that!

That about wraps that up. While I would relive that DAY, I would not for any money in the world want to have to relive the past 14 years!!! Nope. It's been tough. And once, for most of it anyway, is enough for this gal. I prefer what the future brings.

Mommy Blogger?

2010-03-16T22:29:00.002-06:00

Am I the only person who hates the term "Mommy Blogger"?

Beware of the all-powerful Mommy Blogger community.

Mommy Bloggers unite!

Give me a break!

Please, for the love of all the is good in the world, tell me we haven't come to accept and empower a term like that.

We are not all mommies.

And really, we're not all women!

There are some great male bloggers out there. Let us not forget them, lest they will have to tuck it between their legs at the next BlogHer conference.

Am I a mommy? Yes.

Do I post pictures of my kids? Why yes. Yes I do.

Do I sometimes tell stories about my kids and the horrible job I'm doing parenting them? Yup. You got me on that too.

Do I want that to define me? Hell to the no, people!

Do I sometimes talk about my husband? Yes.

Do I talk about friends or what I did on the weekend? Yup.

Do I sometimes talk about my life before kids and husbands? Yes.

Did I have to create a separate blog so I could speak freely about those times? Yup. But that isn't the point here, is it??? Yikes!

Do I talk about work? Never. But that is my personal choice.

Did I attend a blog conference that was attended by only women? Yes.

I have been trying so hard in these past few years to figure out who I am besides a wife and a mother.

I play soccer. I go for drinks with friends. I drive kids around. I work. I read. I sing badly. I am two sizes bigger than I would like to be. I drive a minivan, but don't judge me. I like to play bingo. I like to go to movies. I love chinese food. I drink my coffee from Tim Horton's with 1/2 hot chocolate and a shot of hazlenut. I have the legs of a ninety year old woman. I'm a cheapskate who buys her clothes at Walmart. I like mowing the lawn but will run over the dog poop instead of picking it up, but don't tell my husband. I love music. Almost all genres. I like to go to the lake, but not for very long. I love my husband and my kids.

I am so much more than a "Mommy Blogger".

And I like it that way.

Thank God It's Monday!

2010-03-14T15:52:00.003-06:00

I spent the weekend from Friday after work until Sunday night doing cheer stuff.

On Friday I was a judge runner for two hours. That involved running up and down the bleachers, over to the safety table, then downstairs with score sheets approximately 40 times. I discovered that my knee is crap and desperately needed an Advil.

I was back at competition by 8:30 on Saturday morning where I was judge runner again until 2:30.

That's a lot of stairs, people.

Thankfully I brought Advil and took it regularly so my knee didn't bother me a bit!

However, I discovered two more things on this fine day.

I forgot to put on deodorant Saturday morning. I always have some in my van, so after the first session was over, I ran straight out to get it!! It was cool out, so as I was walking outside, I put my arms up, pretending to play with my hair of course, so that I could air out a bit.

Next i discovered that all the people in the stands would probably have preferred it if I had worn my sports bra.

'Nuff said.

Once 3:30 hit, I got to be a spectator until 9:00.

Now today, I slept in, picked up dog crap, went grocery shopping, did a load or two of laundry then chaired a bingo.

Gimme an "H"!

Gimme an "O"!

Okay, what the hell .... Gimme another "O"!

Gimme an "R"!

Gimme an "A"!

Gimme a "Y"!

What does that spell?

Thank

God

It's

Over!

For the first time EVER I am saying that I am happy to see Monday come! Now I get to slow down a little bit.

Yay me!

Who Needs Teeth Anyway?

2010-03-11T21:03:00.004-07:00

Okay, so two downer posts in a row is a little much, I know. I apologize.

But then .....

Leon called today to let me know that Livvy fell running up the concrete steps to her friend's front door. She completely missed one step and smashed her mouth.

And I do have to tell you that I did all the standard good mom things, like "Ewww!!" and "Oh, my poor baby!", and "Grossss!" before I asked Leon to grab the camera and snap a few pictures because I needed a blog post for today!

My poor girl!!

Is it just me or does she seem a little stressed here?

Her gums were pretty black and her teeth very loose!!

And I had the pleasure tonight of flossing skin out of her teeth.

My poor girl. She is zonked out now with a little bit of help from tylenol.

She knows, too, that losing all three teeth at once will make her rich.

She is clinging to that, and as we all know, money always helps ease the pain.

Money and popsicles.

Lots and lots of popsicles.

Dear Rhonda:

2010-03-10T21:00:00.001-07:00

It's time again for our writing assignment from Mama Kat.

Our prompts this week:

The Prompts:

1.) Write a letter to yourself from someone who has passed on. (ie: parent, grandparent, famous person, friend, pet, etc)
(inspired by Untypically Jia

2.) Create and share a Whrrl story.
(inspired by Whrrl).

3.) Write a Haiku that describes what you love about an ordinary day.
(inspired by Jade from Now that I’m no longer 25…)

4.) What lights your fire? Describe five things you are most passionate about.
(inspired by Musings From Me).

5.) Share some photos and stories as well as what you love about spring.
(inspired by Amanda from Welcome To My Life).

I'm totally tackling numero uno!

Dear Rhonda:

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to have hurt you all. And I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused Buddy.

But let me explain. Please let me try to describe to you what it was like for me.

It was dark. And it was sad. And it was lonely. When life was good, it was wonderful! But when I was in that dark, sad and lonely pit, it was far worse than anything you could ever imagine. I could see no other way out. And I thought it would be best for everyone if I just went away.

What I didn't realize until I was gone was how much everyone loved me. I never imagined that you would think of me and miss me every single day. I was shocked to discover how broken you would all be.

But I was grateful for the way you all gathered around Buddy and helped him through this. It is true that family comes together in the very best way over a tragedy.

I'm sorry that I had to be that tragedy.

I'm so thankful for the beautiful service. All the flowers. All the thought that went into following my final wishes. For going through the trouble of finding the old minister/politician dude to speak on my behalf, only to find out that he probably didn't have a clue who I was. Nice, huh? Haha.

Rhonda, you need to know that I forgive you for not calling that week. It's okay. If I had stuck around, you would have proven what a great sister-in-law you could be. I know that. I wish you had called too, but I made my choice and it has nothing to do with whether or not my phone rang.

I know that you would give anything under the sun to have had the understanding about depression then that you have now. I know that you would rewind to that week when you thought that it was just a phase. An attention thing. I know that you truly didn't think people actually didthat. People just didn't get that sad. And those who made the choice I did were just selfish.

If nothing else, my choice has taught you compassion and empathy and has given you a level of understanding that you would not have otherwise. Sad people would still cause you to think, "Oh, suck it up. Everyone's life sucks sometimes." You see things in a different light now. And maybe one day you'll strike up a career in an area that will help people in my situation. I know that is what you would love to do. Don't give up on that if that's what you really want to do, but don't do it because deep down, you are just trying to save me!

I'm okay. I'm not sad anymore. The sun is out. I'm on an endless beach, with loud waves and the splash of the ocean in my face. I'll see you all again, whether you believe that or not. Oh, I see Grampa coming back to shore now. He has spent the day fishing and is having a great time. He says hello, by the way!

Please send Buddy my love. All of you in fact. And jars upon jars of green tomato pickles for Gramma.

Hugs and kisses,

Shelley

Layla Grace

2010-03-09T21:46:00.006-07:00

November 26, 2007 - March 9, 2010

I have not asked permission to publish this post.

I have not asked permission to use a picture.

But I'm going to.

Because her family wants people to know.

They want people to know Layla Grace in all her beauty

and spirit

and love

and finally, in the disease that took her.

Layla Grace "went to play with the angels" this morning. She had stage IV neuroblastoma. It was very agressive and took her quickly upon its return.

She had loving parents and sisters who adored her.

And many thousands of people around the world prayed, and fell in love with this sweet little girl.

And I don't think I would underestimate if I told you that millions of tears have been cried.

I encourage you to go and get to know this little girl through their blog, Layla Grace.

I highly recommend you have kleenex handy.

And you can donate if you choose.

Bloggy Book Exchange

2010-03-08T21:27:00.017-07:00

I signed up with my friend Angie over at 7 Clown Circus to participate in a book exchange. Now, I don't know off hand if my book exchange partner comes here, but I'm going to risk spoiling the surprise by blogging about some of my recent reads. Books that will be on their way to her once I finish the last one.

7th Heaven by James Patterson. I quite liked it. It's a nice easy read. But to be honest, when I went to write this little blurb, I had to go back to the book to see what it was about. I just opened it to a few random pages knowing that a couple of words would transport me right back into the book. Hmmm. Turns out I was wrong. It took a few minutes to remember what it was about. So, a good read, but obviously not very memorable, seeing as I just finished it.

You've Been Warned, another by James Patterson. It is also a pretty quick read. It does keep you guessing through the whole thing. It's a little off at times. I would consider this a pretty good beach read.

Loves Music, Loves To Dance, by Mary Higgins Clark: Another murder mystery. It is also pretty good. I don't quite remember how they figure out the whodunit part, but I probably already figured it out so didn't think I needed to pay attention. I'm really bad about devouring the first 99% of the book and then just skimming the ending, because by then I already know what I'm reading next and am anxious to get started.

The Breakdown Lane by Jacquelyn Mitchard: This one is pretty good also. It is a book that makes you appreciate your own screwed up, untrainable husband. lol Just kidding, honey!! You're not all that screwed up.

Remember Me by Mary Higgins Clark: A truly messed up book. It is good, and no major surprise at the end. Hmmmm.... Perhaps I won't send this one after all.

Play Dirty by Sandra Brown: I quite liked this one. You definitely fall for the big ol' dumb jock in this page turner.

If I don't send Remember Me, then that will leave one more to send. My coveted book. My all time favorite book on the entire planet. It is called "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. Of all my books since my Sweet Dreams collection was ransacked by my tween friends, I have never kept a book so close to me before. I would lend it out, but always knew where it was and remembered to ask for it back. I don't know that I can part with it, but may have to try. If not, then I will send her the title and recommend that she find a copy of her own to love and cherish. Is that wrong? lol

The book I am reading right now is Blind Fear by Lynn Abercrombie. It is another go-get-em murder mystery. I am about half way through this book and then will send it. I am enjoying it so far!

So, that's it. If my partner, Jenna, at Life on the Circle T Ranch reads this she will know what I'm sending. And she will probably be disappointed when she discovers no copy of Redeeming Love in her package. Otherwise, if she hasn't stopped by, ssshhhh... She need never know that I'm holding out!!

One final note, if you have lent me any of these books (Mom, Jody) please know that they are moving on to another happy home. Tee hee....

Clues That Your Six Year Old May Be Watching Bad Shows On TV

2010-03-07T16:12:00.002-07:00

The book Olivia wrote this week probably falls under the Parenting 101 category of my poll. Some of you had voted to hear about my failures to make you feel better about yourselves. This one is a doozy, I think, and it is what happens when your six year old just happens to sit quietly on the couch, not being noticed, while her teenage sisters pick the TV shows. Feel free to single click on the picture to see it in all it's horrifying truth, but then don't forget to back arrow to see the rest. (A new window will NOT pop up with the picture.)

Let me translate for you:

She titled it: Bad Kids

This page got cut off. It reads: Me and Danielle went to the park and then bad kids came. Then the bad kids almost got caught but then the bad kids caught me.

Danielle didn't get caught and then she got caught. Danielle was sad.

Then they picked us up. My mom saw us. She was sad.

Then they put us in the grave. Rhonda came to see Danielle's grave.

So, believe it or not, my problem is mostly with this ending. They "poot" these girls in a grave??? And I only came to see Danielle's??? WTF??

Is that possibly Freudian for "My Mom isn't home enough?" Does she think I don't care? Does she think I've forgotten her? Does she think that "Rhonda" would just be sad and not totally crushed beyond belief, and immediately beside her in that grave should anything happen to her?

And lastly, I wonder what the heck her teacher thought when she saw this! Bwahahahahaha! I think I should be expecting a children's services employee at my door very soon.

sigh....

Big Plans, My Friends. Big. HUGE!

2010-03-05T15:08:00.004-07:00

Oh, I’m so excited to share this!

I am having a pajama day on Sunday!

So if you had plans for me on Sunday, i.e. church, grocery shopping, birthday party….

FORGET IT!!

This gal might not even take a shower that day.

I know! Gross!

But that’s okay.

I have big plans.

Loud music.

Candles burning.

Reading!

Blogging!!

Cleaning house. (maybe...not)

Movies (from pay-per-view so I don’t have to leave my house of course!)

Chinese food, delivered by my DH.

Ahhhhh….. I cannot wait!

;-)

Lost...

2010-03-01T19:46:00.003-07:00

I didn't think it could happen

Didn't even see it coming.

For I've never had any interest in

Long jump, discus or running. (Blah)

But I don't know what to do tonight.

I don't know where to be.

I feel so lost without the 24/7

Olympics coverage on my TV.

It must be the Canadian in this gal

That allowed winter sports to take over my life.

Even my husband is wondering

What the hell has happened to his wife!

For on the edge of my seat I sat

And watched the boarding and skiing.

Only getting up for the essentials,

Like working and sleeping and peeing.

But now? Who will I watch qualify?

And go on to win the gold?

Who will wave their country's flag

And sing their anthem so bold?

I'm almost so addicted that I'm curious

What the 2012 summer will bring.

Maybe I'll be converted there too,

And watch to see who's anthem they'll sing?

For now, though, to my surprise...

The Vancouver Olympics cannot be beat!

I don't know if we can do so well again,

But oh, would it ever be sweet!

So I bid you well Olympics.

And will leave these thanks just for you.

You've made these last few weeks of winter

Much more bearable for this Lemoine crew!

A Little Healthy Competition Is Good ... But This?

2010-02-28T10:18:00.003-07:00

I spent some time last night on the Vancouver Olympics live stream.

I was very sad to see how angry and mean people were getting over Canada/USA medals, attitudes and today's hockey game.

There was talk about "owning the podium".

USA would comment on the arrogance of Canadians.

Canadians would comment on the arrogance of Americans.

Phuc (is that not the coolest name EVER??) was telling this other guy to "Go and died!"

That guy is getting nasty about Phuc's broken english and being equally cruel in general.

There was talk about hockey being Canada's game and that we'll show them how it's done.

Talk from the Americans about the "stench" of Canadians.

It was truly horrible.

You know what? It's a bunch of professional, million dollar hockey players just changing up teams for a bit.

Personally, I think that USA has a pretty damn fine goalie who will be tough to put anything past. And I think that Canada has some equally fine players who also know how to play their game.

It's hockey.

I hate that this game is taking away from all the other athletes who have worked so hard to get Canada's 25 medals and USA's 36!

All those other medals matter too. And not JUST the gold ones. And NOT just the hockey ones!

Personally, I hope that Canada wins of course. But I don't have anything negative to say about Americans.

I think they have done a great job. They have broken the record for total medals. That is awesome!

And I have friends who are American and I think they are pretty darned awesome!

So good luck to our neighbours today.

May the best over paid professional team win!

500th Post and a Giveaway!

2010-02-24T21:26:00.003-07:00

I feel like the most fortunate gal on the planet right now.

Well, second to Angelina Jolie.

Of all days for me to celebrate my 500th post, it is the one that follows my 499th post.

Truly amazing, isn't it?

Really, though, I felt so connected to my blog community yesterday. All the support and cyber hugs .... I felt them all.

The people who commented via my facebook link also totally rocked my world.

So this, my 500th post, is dedicated to you. My blog friends.

You guys make this fun.

You make me want to keep going.

You let me pout and whine and get mad.

You just shake your heads and don't judge me when I share some of the stupid things I have done.

You laugh and hurrah my open letters and have my back when I get in trouble for them.

And most importantly, you made me not follow through with my move when I threatened it. By wanting to come with me.

I have worked hard on this blog. And I've enjoyed meeting all of you. And I won't let the lurkers spoil it for me by moving and possibly never finding you again.

So, my friends, I thank you for coming by to read whatever my wee little brain puts together.

I thank you for the hugs and the laughter.

And I would like to reward a couple of my peeps with a gift.

Just a small gift. A token of my appreciation.

I will be sending out Starbucks cards to a couple of you. I'm not sure yet how many. But I'm pretty confident that however many there are, they will be small.

All I ask of you in return is that you visit each other.

Leave a comment with a link back to your favorite post from your own blog, then visit at least one other commenter's link and let him/her know that I sent you.

Because I adore you all, and it would make my heart happy to see you get a chance to meet each other.

That's all. I'm pretty easy, wouldn't you say?

Don't answer that if you were at that party back in '88, okay?

Moving on....

Ready ..... Set ...... GO!

A Time For Self Reflection

2010-02-23T22:23:00.012-07:00

My 15 year old daughter is telling me that she is making plans to move out on her own.

I'm not telling you that to give you chuckle or scare anyone with younger children - Well, okay, maybe a little bit of the latter...

I'm mentioning it because all of her talk of no privacy, no independence and too many rules is making me think of my own teen years.

And because I know that I can trust my blogging community to be supportive.

And lastly because according to my poll, you guys want to hear more about my parenting failures. (lol ... See sidebar.)

There is a huge difference between girl teens and boy teens.

Boys generally don't leave home early. I think this is partly because it's easier at home where mom makes suppers and lunches and does the laundry. Boys are freer to come and go and can stay out later and just generally aren't as harped on as girls are. Lastly I think that they want to enjoy spending their own money because they know at some point some girl will come along and use it all up.

Girls, however, have to tow the line. We are harder on girls, I admit. But they/we don't realize that it is partially to keep us safe. Both from the men out there and from ourselves. Girls do stupid things for attention, and guys take us seriously. We can't go out after dark for fear of random acts of violence. We have to go to the bathroom in pairs. More is expected of us and so we rebel in ways that make us sorry later.

I know, because I was a girl once.

A long, long time ago, I moved out on my own. Well, with my boyfriend/soon-to-be-fiance, actually. I was 17. Just going into grade 12.

I didn't move out for any negative reasons.

I moved out because I was hopelessly in love and wanted us to be together and make a home and start our forever.

You know how young girls are. We dream big. Impossibly big.

So when Asia tells me she wants to move out, I can't help but think back.

I remember how hard it was going to school full time and working seven days a week to pay the bills.

I remember having to clean my apartment, which did not happen regularly.

I remember having to have change handy to do my laundry in a communal laundry room where any Joe-Blow could steal my panties.

I remember the first time I went shopping after I moved out and I bought all those fun things like cleaners and toilet brushes and laundry hampers. I also remember damn near crapping myself when I saw the total on the cash register window and hoping to God the check cleared!

I remember the parties I could have gone to no questions asked and curfews I didn't have to worry about. And I remember being too tired and too beyond my years to find those things important anymore.

I remember being free to come and go. Although, with work and school, I wasn't able to enjoy it.

I remember the looks of envy I got from people at school when they found out that I was living on my own. But those looks didn't last long when they saw how hard I had to work to keep it going.

The thing is, though, I don't regret a minute of it. The fact that I remember it so distinctly is a good thing. It was part of what made me me. It was the one and only act of 100% independence I ever truly experienced.

But I didn't move out because I hated my family. I didn't move out because I felt caged and angry. I didn't move out for any negative reasons at all.

And that is what gets me about Asia wanting to leave. It is for the reasons I just mentioned. It is because she hates being here. She thinks she will be happier in a group home, with troubled kids coming from troubled homes.

The roof and clothes and food and love and dancing and soccer and cheerleading and trips and bingos and other fundraisers and being her biggest fans through it all hasn't registered even one iota.

So even though I can't hold her back once she turns 16 and even though she turns this house upside down with hormones and anger and even though part of me longs for peace, I hope she will stay a little longer.

Just long enough to move out for the right reasons. So she will not look back with any regrets.

I hope she will wait until she has her head on straight and a direction to set her sights on.

I hope she will take some time to enjoy the busy-ness that she has always demanded in her life instead of resenting us for giving her what she has asked for.

Regardless of what she does, though, I hope she always knows that she can come home.

To Accept Your Apology Or Not To Accept Your Apology, That Is NOT The Question....

2010-02-22T18:04:00.002-07:00

The question is "Why the fuck should you be apologizing to ME?" And every other freaking Joe Blow on the planet.

Do you need to make amends with your wife and children? Yes.

Your sponsors? Maybe.

But to me and the rest of the world? No.

Don't think for a minute that I haven't chuckled at some of the jokes going around.

And don't be so foolish as to think that I feel sorry for you. Or for any of your sluts.

You are an ass and a cheetah, yes.

But you are a man.

A mere man.

A pathetic little man with all the money in the world and female parts being waved around in your face.

Doing exactly what would be expected of any man in a situation where he thinks he is all powerful and the women are willing to compromise themselves does not make your situation newsworthy.

However, getting the shit kicked out of you by your tiny little pissed off wife? That's a good story. An inspiring story. Hhahahah!

But this clip? This is NOT something I'm proud that I have wasted five minutes of my life on. (Including copy/paste/post time of course!) This is just plain old stupid.

Are you people for REAL?

He just got jiggy with, like, a million women and is living every guy's dream life, and you think he might be SINCERE?

And that he just might cheat again within two years?

Well, holy shit.

Shocking.

Just shocking.

Monday Fitness Report

2010-02-21T22:23:00.004-07:00

This was going to be my big Olympics post. I was going to tell it like it is from the Canadian perspective, which is something I think needs to be done.

However, I think I'll save that for later.

I think that today, you need to hear about me.

I'm happy to report that I tried on some clothes today and they fit me almost better than they did last spring, before I was tied up with my cast and was forced to sit on my ass drinking slurpees and eating chocolate for almost two months.

They are still tight, but I can put them on, do them up AND sit down and all the hang over is only marginally embarrassing. How's that for progress?

So, if you are just tuning in, I am training to complete (yes, I said complete, not compete! lol) in a dualthon at the end of April. I'm trying not to pay too much attention to the weight loss and keep April in my sights for now. I tend to get to 20 pounds and then get bored and put it all back on again.

So every day is a new day. I look forward to my work outs. I forgot how much I love the gym. I love walking in there and knowing that while we are all at different stages and progressing at different rates, our goal is ultimately the same.

I love the energy of the gym. I love the music on my ipod. And I love the TV that is hooked up to my treadmill.

I have discovered, through the Olympics, that I love to watch sports when I am on the treadmill. Those athletes inspire me to do great things. Like complete my run! lol

While I am not eating the greatest and would definitely see faster progress if I could control myself a little better, I'm okay with what I'm doing. Every now and then I kick myself, but my main goal is exercise for right now, and I'm sticking to that.

I am also competing in a friend's local version of "The Biggest Loser" and have until June to lose the highest percentage of weight. This I likely won't win because of my diet, but the main prize is $500, so it's worth a go.

So, let me share with you quickly what it is that I am doing. (This is mostly for me to look back on. Sorry to bore you!)

Sunday is the first day of every new week. This is the day I will increase my running time. I am following the 5K training program from my Running Room journal. This week is 10x1(2), 6x1. The 10s and the 6 are jogging minutes and the 1s are walking. The 2 in brackets means that I am doing two sets. I'm also increasing my speed slowly. I started out running at 4.2 and am now mostly running at 5.0-5.2 with a few bursts of 5.5. This is, for me, a huge deal. I'm very excited that when I get tired, I slow it down to 4.8, which does seem very slow these days!

Mondays are cycle fit (a stationary bike class) and if Leon is home, then I do one hour of yoga. He is working Monday night, so it'll just be the cycle class this time.

Tuesday is another running day.

Wednesday is soccer practice.

Thursday is kickboxing at lunch. My co-workers and I signed up for a cycle/core class, but there wasn't enough room for all of us. We signed one into kickboxing with the intent to rotate, but I love it so much I sort of took over! It is the full meal deal with gloves and pads and I am having a blast!

Fridays are my soccer games.

Saturday is a running day.

There is usually one of these days when life gets in the way and I can't get to the gym, but by planning every day in advance, I don't kick myself for missing one here and there. You'll also notice that I don't do any weight training yet. With full time work and soccer several times every week, there is just no time. Soccer is almost done for a bit, and then I will implement some weight training on those days.

There you have it. If, at some point, I find myself discovering the "runner's high", I will let you know. So far the only high I get from running is turning the treadmill off when I'm finished.

I am beginning to think it is just a myth...

Fart Cloud Etiquette

2010-02-17T22:02:00.005-07:00

Today I was reminded of a situation our friend got himself into.

It involves a guy, an elevator and a high-protein diet.

Oh, and a cute young gal.

You know where this is going, don't you?

And you would be right.

A lone guy in an elevator, thinking he's free to let one rip.

And it is a fart cloud to beat all fart clouds.

So intense you can almost see it!

Suddenly, the doors open and a young lady walks in.

The doors close.

And she quickly puts her hands over her face and says, "Oh my GOD!"

Tee hee hee.

How embarrassing, right?

So, let's talk for a moment about fart cloud etiquette, shall we?

Shoulder check. It's okay to let one go when there are people in front of you going in the same direction, but don't subject some poor soul behind you to your direct fart cloud. Not nice.
When you MUST send out a fart cloud in a crowd, proclaim your innocence by looking around once you discover its potency with a look of horror and delicately put your sleeve over your nose, or tuck your nose into the collar of your jacket.
If ever there is a question of it being a fart with real substance, just don't do it ... cause that's just yucky.
Do not EVER send out a fart cloud where, in a pinch, you cannot blame the person beside you.

'Nuff said.

Avatar

2010-02-15T20:26:00.007-07:00

Okay, so finally Leon and I saw Avatar.

If you have not yet seen it .... You should not read on.

I was disappointed that the female in charge had to be the typical bitch.

But I guess to keep it real for both sexes, they also had to make the male in charge an idiot.

I have to admit that I am a sucker for a love story. Any love story.

(Well, maybe not ANY love story. Bridges of Madison County makes me want to throw myself in front of a bus.)

Even a love story between imaginary blue people.

With skinny little bums and lights on their faces.

Tall blue beings with wormies in their hair.

When the blue people were sad, I was sad.

But when dude got his face squashed I couldn't have been happier.

I felt sorry for JakeSully every time he went to sleep in their world and had to wake up in the "real" one.

Oh, except at the end. When he opened his eyes. And you just knew all was as it should be.

I was worried, as movies that get this much hype are usually a disappointment.

But, just on the off chance that my opinion means anything to you....

I give this one a 5/5

I No Longer Only Cry During Hallmark Commercials

2010-02-14T21:00:00.001-07:00

How totally sad is it that I get weepy over this commercial?

It toally does NOT make me want to support low-salt options!

Salt, anyone?

Valentine's Meme, Stolen From My Friend Betty!

2010-02-14T15:03:00.004-07:00

♥ What are your middle names?

Not altogether comfortable putting these answers down. We are vulnerable enough on the internet without giving everything away.

♥ How long have you been together?
Married since April 1996. But we've been together 18!

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Not very long.

♥ Who asked who out?
He asked me to a pool party.

♥ How old are each of you?
He is 44, I´m 38

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
Definitely Leon's. Two of my brothers have moved away, and we don't all get together very often.

♥ Do you have any children together?
Three girls.

♥ What about pets?
Ringo, our English Mastiff who thinks he's a person.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Parenting.

♥ Did you go to the same school?
Are you kidding me? I was still just a baby! lol

♥ Are you from the same home town?
You bet!

♥ Who is the smartest?
Our minds are completely different. So I'll take the fifth.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
Him I think. Although I did get a little weepy during the latest Sidekicks salt commercial which will be my post for tomorrow.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
McDonalds. Romantic, huh?

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Belize

♥ Who has the worst temper?
Mine doesn't erupt often, but when it does, watch out!! He, though, has his moments, which is mostly due to the whole parenting issue.

♥ Who does the cooking?
I did for several years, but since joining the fire dept he has learned a lot of great things from a guy there who was a professional chef. Now he does the cooking and I'm happy to leave it to him.

♥ Who is more social?
I prefer to be a fly on the wall. He likes to be around people more than me. I'm quite happy with my few close friends.

♥Who is the neat Freak?
Neither of us can keep up. I think a better question would be who gets more frustrated?

♥ Who is the more stubborn?
It depends on the situation. We both have our moments.

♥ Who hogs the bed?
It used to be him, but I like to think it was only because he would come over to snuggle and then just fall asleep there. Now though? The dog.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
We wake up to alarms all the time for school, work and soccer. If we could sleep in, though, it would definitely be me!

♥ Where was your first date?
A pool party at Al's house.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
Leon. Five siblings. I have three, but two live in BC.

♥ Do you get flowers often?
I used to. I told him to stop, though, in favour of something more useful, like chocolate.

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
In a word? Chaos.

♥ Who is more jealous?
Leon

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
Only a few months.

♥ Who eats more?
I think we eat about the same, but anything I eat, sticks to my ass and thighs..... Weird how chocolate will do that....

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
Both, but I'm the one who will usually get cranky and haul it all upstairs to be put away.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
Me. But even I'm not very good. It's all pretty over my head technically.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
Usually me, because we use my van. I love the summer, because then we usually take his truck and my van gets to take a break.

Six Word Saturday

2010-02-13T08:55:00.003-07:00

I'm

Just

Thankful

That

It's

Over!

Go see Cate if you want to have your six word say!

Moving

2010-02-11T06:16:00.002-07:00

So, since discovering that more people than I realized have been closet readers of my blog, I'm going to be moving.

I welcome my regular readers to just leave a quick comment to let me know if they want to new URL once there is one.

It should happen sometime in the next week.

Have a great day!

Mama Bear Strikes Again ..... And Takes Out Innocent Bystanders Along The Way

2010-02-09T19:01:00.004-07:00

That is what I told Leon last night, feeling as crappy as I did about certain parts of the email I sent to Cassie's coach. I do not regret it all, but some parts I absolutely would take back if I could.

I would take back my opinion that I gave in anger when I was told Cassie was benched for playing lousy. It was petty and childish and I hope those who visited Monday's post will venture back today. I let the issues with school meld with the soccer team issues and ranted and raved to avenge my own daughter's "lousy" game.

I am truly, truly sorry.

I hope that the person who is talking about sending the email copy out to others just to be vengeful realizes that it is only the kids that will get hurt and takes the high road.

I am sorry that I posted it on my blog, even though it IS my blog and I am free to say what I choose on here. In my defense, I had no idea that anyone from soccer even knew that I blogged, let alone took the time to come and read it. My blog is automatically linked to my facebook, which has all the highest security settings on it, so again, I felt it was a safe place to vent, since I am not "facebook friends" with anyone related to the team.

Is NO blog sacred anymore? Sigh....

I regret that my actions may make things harder on Cassie at school. I have instructed her to let the kids know, if they try to beat the hell out of her, that her mother spoke in anger and is very sorry.

I have expressed my regret at my line at the end of my post. Most of you know that my serious posts end on a funny note, because I'm not one to take life too seriously for very long. However, it was a shitty thing to do.

Mama Bear is heading back into her cave for a while. She is working on an ulcer and will probably take a sleeping pill and crash to just make this day end.

Shitfuck.

And This Is What Happens When You Piss Off Mama Bear

2010-02-07T23:06:00.005-07:00

Is It Thursday Already? THANK GOD!

2010-02-03T21:56:00.006-07:00

The Prompts:

Which one will YOU choose??

1.) A song you can’t escape.
(inspired by Stefanie from I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne)

2.) Explain a time there was an emergency. What “mode” did you go into? Freaking out, calm and collected, etc.
(inspired by Jennifer from Momma Made It Look Easy)

3.) Write an open later to a cartoon character.

4.) Write a poem about a moment you would like to relive.
(inspired by Mama B. from Peanut Butter in my Hair)

5.) List 10 things you never knew until you were mom. Mine?
(inspired by Christy from Life With Triplets)

Today I'm writing about option number 5. Please note that some of the ones I feel strongest about may be repeated....

I never knew what a prison camp felt like before. I know now.
I just barely tolerate my own kids and cannot STAND other people's children. (Babies don't count.)
It's not such an easy job after all.
I was never meant to be a teacher. Apparently, "OMG! How can you NOT understand this stuff?" is not much of a pep talk.
I'm a bitch. I'm no fair. And I suck ass. (That last one is my personal fave.)
Sometimes my kids just won't love the same boy for them that I do. Sigh....
How easy it would be sometimes to just beat the hell out of them. Or put a one-way ticket to somewhere tropical to good use. Either one is fine, I'm not picky.
I'm not very good at it.
I started too young, which has probably led to my more than occasional selfishness now.
I love to squeeze little tiny Lemoine bums. Is that wrong?

You should join in! Go see Kat to link up, for some writer's block ideas or just to visit some other participants

A PEP TALK TO ME

2010-02-02T22:18:00.004-07:00

I have a dream.

And in that dream I am a healthy size 8.

Okay, 10.

Fine. 12 then.

I joined The Biggest Loser - Friend's Edition in January.

The incentive is supposed to be the $500++ dollars I can win if I succeed.

The truth is, though, my ass hanging off the sides of my spin class bike are just revolting enough to keep me going.

And that same ass, that seriously slams down via gravity a split second after my feet hit the treads, which has caused me to lose my rhythm more than once, is also helping. Because it doesn't jar me like it used to. Oh what a feeling!

The very, very round face, with second chin? Yup. That's working it too. (Although that face won't stop eating the good stuff, albeit in smaller portions with much more good-for-me food thrown in! Yay me!)

I've only lost about 7 pounds. Which is great I suppose.

But this contest works by percentage, and let me tell you, that 7 pounds doesn't count for much there.

I think I am losing some inches though. Thank God.

I had to keep pulling my pants up the other day. It. Felt. Great!

The Plan:

I am currently running (other people would consider it a moderate walk, but me? Full out run, people!) three times per week, following The Running Room's 5K plan. Right now I am at run 10 minutes, walk one minute, twice, then run another three minutes. The goal is to work my way up to three 10 and 1's. And then head outside when it's warm where it's going to be even harder without the momentum of the treadmill, and the thought of the humiliation of falling off, to keep me going.

I take spin classes three times per week. I LOVE spin classes. Love them. Once upon a time, in my way-back-when fit days, I considered instructing spin classes, and may still take it on at some point when my lungs can take it.

I am playing soccer twice weekly. But there are only a few weeks left of this.

I am training, if you can call it that, to participate in a dualthon in April.

Run 2.5K, bike 10K, run 2.5K.

Then die.

But bury me in a tank top and short shorts, because I WILL LOOK GOOD AGAIN!

I will Damnit!!

Amen to that!

Sunday Mornings at My House!

2010-01-31T14:33:00.003-07:00

This is what you'll see when Mama arms herself with her camera on a Sunday morning....

Here I go!

Liv's playing with her DS and watching TV.

She's having a jammie day.

Can you read his lips here? I had to chase him for this and caught him mid "What are you DOING?" while brushing his teeth! lol He loves this one. I'm a little afraid though, because he told me "Payback's a bitch." Uh oh.

Here's sleepy head. She's now a teenager, and you know what THAT means!

Must. Look. Pretty. For. Soccer.

There you have it. Team Lemoine on any given Sunday morning. Aren't you happy to know this?

Blogger's block sucks, doesn't it? lol